Daniel Oberhaus (2017), CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/>
Now let me get this theory out upfront. I believe that paying people huge sums of money to do things for you is some low grade classist shit. However I have no problem with the purchasing of quality equipment for a fair price. This is why I endorsed Mumbai Indians’ $1.53 million purchase of one unit of the Tim David batting machine. Sure they seemed to replace their brains with a bag of rocks for half the season and left him on the bench with only the occasional squirt of oil and a run in the nets to keep him from rusting, however at some point in the season they finally remembered the enormous sum they’d spilled on him and why. The rest is sixstory (come on… that sorta works?!?).
And here he is now smacking the leather off, and soul out of, a cricket ball in the T20 Blast in the UK. His innings yesterday for Lancashire was ridiculous and furthers my machine theory. 66 runs off 32 balls is not a wild stat in the modern game however it’s his Terminator style disdain for any skill his opponent may be trying to lay down in front of him that is a big part of the enjoyment of watching Tim David bat. T20 cricket is a cruel mistress and a nasty master and expects nothing less than high intensity, swashbuckling hitting from it’s batting folk. The thing about David is he literally delivers this from the first ball. Surely the Aussies have a ticket to Sri Lanka shoved down his box about now?
Not to end on a sour note but I think I need to address the elephant in the room. Yes you got it, the two first names thing. No one trusts a man, nor woman, with two christian names as their full handle. John Bob? Jack Paul? Fred Leo? You either end up sounding like an American serial killer or a sleazy Euro trance DJ. And you can say his parents were left with little choice and worked with the cards they were dealt but I refuse to accept this. X David? Plork David? I Refuse To Be Part Of The System And Name My Child David? I think I need a coffee…
